Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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