"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
