I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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