How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
