What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
