i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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