like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
