Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
