Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
