apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
no. you can't hotbox the world.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
