I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
