He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
