24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
