The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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