idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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