Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
