I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
