oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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