I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
