I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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