I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
