I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
