make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
