she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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