STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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