Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
