I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
