if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
