I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
