so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
