I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
