if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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