Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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