apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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