cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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