you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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