btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
