Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The struggles of a small town man whore
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
