you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
