There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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