didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Randomize
