i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
