I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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