Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You've changed since you got that strap on
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
