you guys were way drunker than both of me
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
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