How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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