Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
