im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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