We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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