lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
